About Change

As I age, I realized that we constantly change how we perceive things as we grow older.
What we used to despise might look kinda cool now, vice versa.

Some things never change, it's true. But my brightest revelations often came alongside many humbling moments in my life.
Doing things I said I'd never do, liking things I used to mock, or even doubting things I used to believe in wholeheartedly.
Day by day, nothing feels that different but when I look back I am always so amazed by how things have changed.
-----

I was just chilling at my place eating instant cup noodles while watching the last season of Never Have I Ever, which is the only Netflix romcom I've ever really loved.
I have to praise the writer for telling stories about how teenagers would go through major changes by going to college and how reality might not always as pretty as we imagine, no matter how much effort and imagination we've put on it all these years.

The adventure of trying to know yourself, to stay on the path you've set, or to mingle with the people you thought would be "my people" but instead, being overwhelmed by insecurity.
Am I doing this right? Am I good enough? Is this the correct thing to do?
Or, the good old "It turns out I am not good enough" (no, that is not depressing. that is a sign that you're now in an improved environment).
I still remember vividly how things were so confusing back then. 
But I managed to live through it and yes, it became one of the best memories of my life!

I also love the fact that the writers gave a second chance of love and life for the older casts.
It's like they're trying to tell the viewers "your future might not turn out the way you want it to be, but it's okay because the way you see things will change too".

I have never been good at changes. Now that I have been moving out and about for several times, I have to say that the process of adapting to a new way of life can be very dreadful for me (because now that I think about it, it always was).
It feels like I'm losing the grip on the wheels and that I have no idea how I'm going to wing it.
And it got worse as I age, maybe because the stake is getting bigger and bigger.

However, after making big changes in my life by moving to the Netherlands for school, together with all the panic and anxiety of how things would turn out in the future, I think I need to relax and accept that lots of things will change and that I just have to live through it all.

And it's okay. There is always the bad and the good.
I just wish that I'll manage.