2019

One time in the last quarter of 2019 I looked around my room and looked at a novel on my desk.
And then I thought:

When was the last time I actually read a book, finished it, talked about it, and reviewed it somewhere online or just through a chit-chat with my friends?

I could not even remember it. I guess it was back when I was in school.

Then I recalled how I lived my life lately and realized that I was (still am) nothing like I used to be.
I barely read books, no hobby was pursued, I had no idea what to do besides living each day waiting for the day to end. Really no nothing.
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To sum up, life can be very confusing when you have no idea what you're doing.
Some people say it's Quarter Life Crisis but I have no idea about whether or not I was going through a crisis all this time.
I constantly felt like standing in the middle of an intersection where every turn is closed with a giant curtain.
I have no idea where to turn.
I was (still am) terrified. Not because I don't want to bear the risk of an option.
It is because I don't even know what kind of options that are available.
Sometimes I woke up feeling surreal and heartbroken a little.
I just don't even know why I was heartbroken but I certainly knew that I was.

So... now I have decided to keep on walking with hopes that maybe one day the curtains will open and I would know where to turn.
If there's anything to look forward to is that I want to live my life and truly live it.
Well... what a nice privilege to have.
I would try something new and exciting this year onward and maybe I'll find a way somewhere in the middle of the road.