About post-graduation
I must say that I am lucky to be what I happen to be at the moment.
But I am going to lie to say that everything always ran smoothly and tear-free because it was not.
Just like what I told you in my previous post, after my sophomore year I kept on thinking about graduation as something scary and I hit my worst in my senior year.
Everyday I got worried and I contemplated about things I did wrong at least once a week.
I even remember getting anxious just by listening to John Mayer's Stop This Train lol.
Everything felt scary! Though now I realize that everything will be ok and I was just overthinking and obviously overacting.
Now I am in my early 20s and I currently work as an employee in a company.
Just like what most of my peers go through, I get stressed because of work sometimes.
I think I'm just trying to adapt from being a uni student who was still dependent to my parents to being an employee with bills I've got to pay myself.
I am not really proud of myself because I was juggling this and that just to feel comfortable.
How much I can spend, how much I should save, or how much I should invest.
I don't even understand.
When they sent me far east, tbh I can't even remember just how much I slept uncomfortably because I was just exhausted and felt detached from the places and people I'm comfortable with.
I cried crazily on a Saturday morning because I got home at 8am from the night shift where it was damn freezing the whole night and broke my phone in the toilet early in the morning.
I was exhaaaausted and I missed everybody whom I could not reach since I worked literally in the middle of mountains.
I think one day I will see things like this as something trivial but that time was obviously not it.
And then I got into my next project.
I was sooooo excited at first until reality hit me slowly and surely.
I felt stupid almost everyday and I got all these pressures everytime.
Luckily I have people I love near me here in Jakarta.
I fell sick because of gastric acid (which I suppose was triggered by stress) and I felt like things are too much to handle sometimes.
It was weird, you know.
One day I got pumped and excited to finish stuffs, the next day I was just... sad?
One day I felt like I could conquer the world, the next day I felt small and sad.
Then I come to this decision that adapting to a new life is hard especially when we're this young with no experience in this kind of field.
Everything's new and seems shocking. At least to me.
People walk and live in their own timeline and now I am living mine.
I struggled sometimes but one thing I know is that I should not quit.
One thing that I know for sure is that life will always be reasonably challenging since it'll lead us to become a better person.
So, no matter what I go through, I will always find something new to learn.
One thing I do not regret is the fact that I keep people I love around myself.
I am happy that despite my occasional instability, I still have somebody to lean on.
After all, this chapter I am living right now is supposed to be one of the greatest in someone's life.
Surely I think I cannot get prettier after my 20s so I should smile more than I frown.
And I should find and sneak good time in my life despite all the negative emotions I'd love to address. Things will always be okay at the end.
I know I should just live life.
For time will never go back.
For things will never happen the same way ever.
But I am going to lie to say that everything always ran smoothly and tear-free because it was not.
Just like what I told you in my previous post, after my sophomore year I kept on thinking about graduation as something scary and I hit my worst in my senior year.
Everyday I got worried and I contemplated about things I did wrong at least once a week.
I even remember getting anxious just by listening to John Mayer's Stop This Train lol.
Everything felt scary! Though now I realize that everything will be ok and I was just overthinking and obviously overacting.
Now I am in my early 20s and I currently work as an employee in a company.
Just like what most of my peers go through, I get stressed because of work sometimes.
I think I'm just trying to adapt from being a uni student who was still dependent to my parents to being an employee with bills I've got to pay myself.
I am not really proud of myself because I was juggling this and that just to feel comfortable.
How much I can spend, how much I should save, or how much I should invest.
I don't even understand.
When they sent me far east, tbh I can't even remember just how much I slept uncomfortably because I was just exhausted and felt detached from the places and people I'm comfortable with.
I cried crazily on a Saturday morning because I got home at 8am from the night shift where it was damn freezing the whole night and broke my phone in the toilet early in the morning.
I was exhaaaausted and I missed everybody whom I could not reach since I worked literally in the middle of mountains.
I think one day I will see things like this as something trivial but that time was obviously not it.
And then I got into my next project.
I was sooooo excited at first until reality hit me slowly and surely.
I felt stupid almost everyday and I got all these pressures everytime.
Luckily I have people I love near me here in Jakarta.
I fell sick because of gastric acid (which I suppose was triggered by stress) and I felt like things are too much to handle sometimes.
It was weird, you know.
One day I got pumped and excited to finish stuffs, the next day I was just... sad?
One day I felt like I could conquer the world, the next day I felt small and sad.
Then I come to this decision that adapting to a new life is hard especially when we're this young with no experience in this kind of field.
Everything's new and seems shocking. At least to me.
People walk and live in their own timeline and now I am living mine.
I struggled sometimes but one thing I know is that I should not quit.
One thing that I know for sure is that life will always be reasonably challenging since it'll lead us to become a better person.
So, no matter what I go through, I will always find something new to learn.
One thing I do not regret is the fact that I keep people I love around myself.
I am happy that despite my occasional instability, I still have somebody to lean on.
After all, this chapter I am living right now is supposed to be one of the greatest in someone's life.
Surely I think I cannot get prettier after my 20s so I should smile more than I frown.
And I should find and sneak good time in my life despite all the negative emotions I'd love to address. Things will always be okay at the end.
I know I should just live life.
For time will never go back.
For things will never happen the same way ever.
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