Why going out on your own is (un)necessary sometimes

It has always between "Why on earth am I doing this?" or "God, I should do this more often" whenever I am on a trip by myself.

Among all those experiences, I would love to share three of many valuable trips I've had in my life.

It was last year when I impulsively decided to book a ticket to Yogyakarta and went there the following day. I remembered that time I was feeling upset that I spent my 3-months holiday doing nothing. I went there to visit a dear friend of mine and I honestly did not expect many things in return. I just wanted out, I thought.

I was not in the mood to be in Jakarta or Lampung. So I met her and several other friends after years of not seeing each other.

They took me to nice places, they did feed me with tasty foods, and we did spend a memorable time together.

After 2 years of studying away from my parents, that was the time I finally felt the similar warmth in my heart. Though we did not mention anything, but I knew that those people are family whom I chose myself.

After the 4 days trip, I flew back to Jakarta.

During the flight I could not stop thanking God for all the warm greetings, sincere smiles, nice people, and health bestowed upon myself.

The second one is on my flight to Australia last August.

I woke up around 1 AM Jakarta time though I was sure I was not in Jakarta anymore that time. I was not alone but since my friend was asleep, I did feel alone.

I woke up and could not go back to sleep then I opened the window on my left side.

I swear I saw the most magnificent thing I've seen in my life.

There was the moon. Looking so orange and the size was just bigger than two basket balls combined.

The moon shone alone without stars around it.

The night sky was so clear, making the moon looked even more beautiful.

Then the moonlight reflected on the left wing of the plane.

It was astonishing, I thought.

It was a priceless view that not everybody can witness all the time, even when they chartering a private jet on their own.

I was so lucky to be awake at that very moment.

Since then, I finally found a reason to love a flight.

The third one is not necessarily a happy experience.

Instead, this one is an experience that left me thinking hard.

I wrote this post on a train ride back to Jakarta.

I, again, impulsively booked a trip and went to Bandung.

Not so far from Jakarta, right? So it was not really a bad spontaneity hehehe.

I met several old friends and it was crazy to finally realize that we really are heading closer to a life on our own.

It gave me nice feelings when I knew that those friends of mine had taken a big step to reach their dreams and left good things that just didn't work.

It was not a small sacrifice, right?

One day he studied economy with such a high GPA in one of the best institution in the country, the next day he studies astronomy.

It was odd, to me.

He's spent 2 years and now he just left?

But that confusion ended when he told me that now he has a more meaningful study and he enjoys his life even more.

Things like that, gave me happiness too.

I love it when I see my friends feeling happy in their field,so I will just wish him the best.

I have a lot more to say but I honestly just want to stop there.

During my train ride, I thought about things very deeply.

A habit of mine that could drive me insane whenever I just couldn't control it.

'I will graduate soon, now I should find a life on my own. Can I take big risks, or am I just able to stay doing safe things? Will my future be like how I want it to be? Will I ever be in a place I want to be?'

The list went on.

I also wondered that afternoon 

How do my friends see me now? Do they think I have become a better person? Are they happy seeing me? Are they grateful to have me in their life?'

The list went on.

As soon as I arrive in Jakarta, I thought 'Who cares what people think of me. What matters the most is what I really am as a person.'

But deep down, I just don't know, really.

Because right now my heart is just numb.